A Heart Beats in Silence
by RealRainbowRapidash
Summary: Angstshipping. My Tier 2 submission for the YGO FF Contest. Ryo refuses to come out of the closet after a year of pretending...and has to choose between being accepted by the public eye...or by Marik.


Sigh...I tried, guys. That's all that matters...right?

Tier 2 Submission for the Yu-Gi-Oh Fanfiction Contest

Pairing: Angstshipping (RyoXMarik)

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any characters. So don''t sue me. If I DID own this series, then the spin offs wouldn't exist.

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><p><em>Was a love like this ever meant to be so perfect?<em>

Ryo regarded the note with raised eyebrows. When he turned to see who'd skillfully flicked it at him, he caught Marik's lavender eyes piercing at him, his gaze fixed on nothing but the snow-white skinned boy. The latter felt his cheeks glow, and suddenly his head was throbbing. He looked away, down at his notebook, and hoped Marik would take the hint and stop staring.

When the feeling that he was being encroached upon didn't fade, Ryo made the mistake to steal a glance back at his tanned Egyptian lover. To his shock, he was silently mouthing the words Ryo was afraid would slip his tongue among their peers: _I love you. _

There wasn't a doubt in his mind that Ryo felt the same way. He adored Marik, and always felt touched when he dropped the cocky attitude he shot everyone else's way and practically fell to his knees when his lover was around. He was always gentle, sweet, everything a boyfriend was meant to be, shot him kind glances in class and sneaked in a peck on the cheek when Ryo was certain no one was watching. And of course, his looks drove him insane.

But no amount of affection could convince Ryo to confess that he and Marik were-

"Bakura Ryo, I ask that you pay attention," snapped his teacher suddenly, whacking his desk with a ruler. The fluffy-haired albino quickly sat up, his back uncomfortably erect and muttered, "Yes, sir," bowing his head shamefully. He heard snickers around him, and half heard Marik come to his defense and tell them to back off.

He almost regretted that except for the fact that it worked and everyone shut up.

For the rest of class, Ryo agonized over the fact that people might put two and two together and see his and Marik's real relationship. That they weren't into girls, and that was the reason the brushed off the ones who trailed after them. That the two prettiest boys in school didn't care to date because they were already dating someone: each other.

Oh, they'd love it. They hadn't had a gay couple to torment since Joey and Seto had dropped out.

When class ended, Ryo looked up to see Marik standing over him, concern evident in the violet gems he claimed were his eyes. There were days Ryo felt bold and allowed himself to walk out of the building with Marik. But more frequently, he head to let his love down and insist that he meet him outside, on days where he felt he couldn't shake the feeling that people might catch on, especially if Marik put an arm around his shoulder.

This was a day he didn't have any nerve in him.

"Meet me outside. I'll be there in a minute," he whispered, unable to look the Egyptian in the eye. He did, however, notice the hurt flash across his face, but Marik quickly gave him a smile and replied easily, "Alright. Just don't keep me waiting too long." To Ryo's horror, Marik proceeded to lean in, planning to plant a kiss on his forehead. With some regret, Ryo ducked his head and reached for his backpack, conveniently stashed under his desk. When Marik realized that his boyfriend was serious about not wanting to "risk anything" in public, he quieted his angry heart and left without so much as a backwards glance.

And, as always, Ryo was left feeling selfish and guilty. He dawdled as long as he could, since by this point in his relationship with Marik, he was a master at finding things to lose track of time with. He was up to studying his coat buttons before he realized just how long he'd kept his boyfriend waiting. He couldn't help it that he'd lost track of so much time. He was just so intent on waiting to leave after everyone else was long gone. And every few minutes, he'd tell himself he should go, then quickly insist that he should wait a bit more; just to be safe. And that was when he realized just how quiet the halls were, and he sprang to life as though the place was about to explode.

This was just fabulous: first he leaves his wonderful, lovely man feeling like a nuisance for wanting to walk home with Ryo, and to top it off, he made him wait a ridiculously long time-more than a half hour!- before remembering him and practically standing him up.

Ryo was surprised at how quickly he flew outside, almost breaking down the entrance doors of the school. To his delight, Marik was still waiting, leaning against a tree, chasms of sunlight falling on him through the branches. He couldn't help staring at how beautiful he was. There was no bias here; there wasn't one person at this school who could compare to him.

Unfortunately, his tanned beauty looked to be on the verge of tears, hugging his books to his chest for dear life, his lower lip trembling ever so slightly. He was debating whether he should go back inside and look for Ryo or just start walking home, but so far the favor was in waiting for him. When he was aware that he was being stared at, he looked up, and managed to give a shaky smile and small wave, blinking his eyes rapidly to get rid of the embarrassing tears.

Ryo, feeling like a pathetic excuse for a human being, let alone a boyfriend, ran up to him and gave him a fierce hug. His own eyes blurring horribly, he mumbled some sort of apology and talked in a muffled voice, promising he'd never make him wait so long again. Ryo didn't know why he felt so bad, aside from the fact that he'd made the person who occupied his heart cry. It wasn't until Marik convinced him that it was alright and suggested they start walking did the answer flicker across his mind.

This was nothing new; he'd done this many times before in the past.

While Marik tried to make small talk, his voice still wavering slightly, Ryo was swamped with his own thoughts, his stomach hurting as though Marik had kicked him there. He was suddenly aware that he'd mistreated Marik countless times at school. From refusing to sit with him at lunch to outright snapping at him not to stand too close, overall, he was as bad as an abusive husband. He guessed that Marik loved him enough not to last out at him for this, forgiving him immediately for any injustices and hurtful mannerisms.

But Ryo didn't love him enough to put other people's opinions behind Marik's feelings.

He was so lost that he didn't even realize Marik was clutching his arm and leaning on him until they were about two blocks away from Ryo's house. When he finally did come to, he yanked his arm away, rather roughly, and snarled, "Marik, how many times do I have to tell you? Don't _do _things like that in public! There are people out here, for pity's sake! How many times do I have to repeat myself before you realize that in public we are _not _a couple?"

He could have bitten his tongue until it bled and even that wouldn't be able to erase what he'd just said. It was like he hadn't just been agonizing over how much he loved Marik and how he was even considering letting the school, the country, the world just how much this boy meant to him. Marik looked stunned, hurt, confused, heartbroken, and vulnerable all at the same time. He was suddenly filled with an unbearable sadness…which soon gave way to an anger that he found impossible to quell. He was seeing red, his mind a whirlwind of hurt, and suddenly everything in his heart boiled over…

And that was when the tears took hold. Where was the sweet, virginal boy he'd fallen in love with? The one who always put those he loved in front of him? Because the boy standing before him was not his lover; he was a stranger, trying to save face. Someone he didn't recognize, who would kill himself before he let people have bad opinions of him for not being like the rest of them. A boy who couldn't be Ryo, who was too prideful to admit he was, in their eyes, socially unacceptable, and too embarrassed by the boy he was supposedly in love with.

He gave a small nod, like he'd confirmed something, and finally, he spoke. "I see. So that's how it is, is it? I'm not important enough to you for you to admit out loud that you love me? I'm second best and people's opinions are more important to you? I'm just the person you kill time with before you can go and start impressing people again?" His voice rose without his intending to, and although the look Ryo gave him could have stopped a jet train, Marik barreled on. Something inside him had snapped, where two minutes ago he'd been fine. It was surprising how quickly emotions swayed.

"Ryo, do you know how much it hurts when I have to keep my feelings under wraps? Lovers are supposed to be comfortable letting people know they're in love! But instead, I have to keep myself at a safe distance so that no one suspects anything, like it embarrasses you that I actually care about you! And I have to smile and pretend it's okay, when the honest truth is, I'm sick of it! And if the only relationship we can have in the one we have in silence, then I'd rather not have the damned relationship at all! So that's it! Ryo Bakura, don't call me, don't email me, don't even _look_ at me anymore! Whatever I might have told you before, I take it all back!"

Even he flinched a bit when he realized the extent of his anger. But the words had all come from his heart; a heart that had been beaten around for far too long. A whole year of pretending exploded in their faces, and he stormed off, leaving Ryo, worthless and pitiful, to his tears. _It serves him right, _Marik thought to himself angrily. _I've done nothing wrong by him. All I've done is respect him and obey everything he's told me to do. I haven't kissed him in public, messed with his hair in public, hardly even spoken to him, and I never even walk out the building with him! I don't care if I'm overreacting; if he really does care, he'll call and say so. But if not…if he doesn't…if he doesn't care at all…_

He suddenly realized why it was so hard to see. It wasn't the glare of the sun; it was tears hot enough to scald skin.

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><p>The moon took the sun's place in the sky, and millions of stars glittered distantly. Hours had gone by while Ryo sat, staring at the phone, trying to work up the nerve to call his ex-lover. His tea went cold, his eyes wet, and he carelessly let the cup slip out of his fingers and fall to the floor with a sad <em>clink. <em>He imagined in his mind what Marik would say should Ryo actually get the courage to call. He imagined it ending very badly, with Marik dropping off the face of the Earth and plotting Ryo's untimely death, complete with nuclear bombs and grenades.

Maybe it wouldn't be _that _bad. But the reality, in his kind, would only be slightly better.

Earlier on, he'd been waiting for Marik to be the one to call, to apologize and want to make up and admit what a bastard he'd been. Meanwhile, Ryo had been wondering how, in the space of about three minutes, his world had crumbled. He recalled him thinking to himself, then snapping at Marik…and suddenly Marik was storming off in a huff, leaving Ryo with tears welling up in his eyes and a headache large enough to give him brain damage. It stunned him how quickly things had fallen apart.

By nine that night, he realized that Marik wasn't going to call.

And why should he? Here was Ryo, trying to mend a heart that broke easily, and assuring himself that Marik would call any minute now and apologize, but he'd neglected to think of this situation from Marik's point of view. Ryo felt awful; that was obvious. Yes, he was guilty. Yes, he was regretful. And yes, he wanted to apologize. But in his eyes, he'd honestly done nothing wrong.

Reality check; he'd been in the wrong all along.

The realization was like a brick in the face. When he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he saw what Marik had seen for over a year now: a coward who thought the opinions of people he didn't care about mattered more than the opinions of people he did care about. In his mind flashed a series of things he'd done throughout the year, which he thought had been perfectly acceptable; refusing to sit with Marik at lunch, smacking his hand away whenever he touched him, mumbling to him not to stand so close, denying to anyone who asked innocent questions about the two of them that they were involved in any way, shape or form. But perhaps most of all, he saw the light dim from Marik's eyes, day in and day out, his smile fade whenever Ryo refused to so much as make eye contact with him, his forced cheer whenever Ryo was angry at life in general and vented his frustrations upon him…

He'd wondered often to himself what he'd done to deserve Marik. In the stillness of the night as the candle in his room burned out, he got another face full of reality: he didn't deserve him. He was amazed at how many tears his eyes could still produce.

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><p>Silence was heavy; Marik felt pressed upon by it.<p>

In the dead of night, his opinions had yet to change; Ryo was still a jerk.

Marik kept a diary, but he couldn't find the right words to fit what he was feeling. He wasn't quite sure what he felt at this point, but there was one thing he felt for sure: alone. _My heart beats in silence. My aching, bleeding heart…_He glanced down at the page that had been blank before, and realized that he'd begun writing. _And to think only last night, my mind and heart were filled with you. And now I feel like I might burst from all the thoughts I'm having about you…but for the wrong reasons. I miss you, Ryo, and I want to apologize. But I can't forgive you…not yet._

He quickly ran out of steam, and began to flip through pages of previous entries. He mentioned Ryo at least once on each page; when he wasn't going on about how much he loved the boy, he was pouring his heart out about how much that latter was hurting him. His eyes skimmed quickly over the thoughts that he'd given words to, but he stopped when he came to a note he'd meant to give to Ryo before he decided that it'd make him angry.

_Ryo,_

_I'm writing this in math when I should be doing my test. I can't concentrate because I can feel you, two doors away. I know I won't do well, but it doesn't matter. It's all your fault, anyway; you should know why I didn't study. Because last night, I was with you._

_I love you._

No, they'd never actually gone that far. Ryo was predictably very shy, and truthfully, Marik wasn't quite ready, either. But many times they slept at each other's houses; they each lived alone and hated the silence. Marik wasn't used to the silence of his house; not after a year with his lover. It slowly ate away at him, until he felt himself collapse into a restless sleep on the floor. He didn't sleep for long at a time; his headaches kept waking him up. He slept clutching a pillow in his arms; it proved to be a poor substitute for the boy who'd stolen his heart and slowly ripped it apart.

The stars twinkled.

The TV droned on into the night.

Marik prayed for a miracle.

Nobody heard him weep, because he smothered his tears in a pillow.

And anyway, nobody cared; especially not the boy for whom the tears were for.

The world went on around him, while he stayed wrapped up in how his world had crumbled today.

He slept without dreams.

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><p>But in some place, some foreign place that might as well have been as distant as his former home of Egypt, a white-haired schoolboy could not find the energy to even close his eyes. While Marik heart beat in silence, his beat loudly enough to keep him up for half the night.<p>

And his tears were thick enough to make it hard even to blink. Then next time he looked out the window, it was morning. He'd heard once that things always got better in the morning.

Hopefully, they did.

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><p>Out of habit, Marik sat on his doorstep instead of going directly to school. Despite everything, Ryo always walked with him to school…at least partway. When he remembered that he longer had a boyfriend, the pleasantly sunny day suddenly became the worst hell imaginable. When he stood up to walk to school himself (which seemed as alien to him as not wearing golden jewelry with his school uniform…or any outfit, for that matter) he felt someone staring at him.<p>

When he turned to see who was burning a hole through him, his heart immediately started racing as though he'd run a thousand miles. On reflect, his raised his arm to wave, before he remembered he was supposed to be angry and hostile. He expected the pale-skinned boy to keep walking by him, but to his amazement, he felt Ryo grab his hand and pull him along.

_Be angry…don't let him think you forgive him, _Marik thought to himself. In his heart, Ryo was already forgiven, but he didn't want Ryo to go unpunished. "So. If you wanted to say something, you should say it now before I stab you in the eye sockets," Marik inquired coolly, trying to pull away. Ryo refused to loosen his grip, and finally, Marik forced him to a stop. "Okay, Ryo, what's the big idea? In case you haven't noticed, I'm still mad at you. So if you think that I'm just going to stand by and let you assume that I forgive you, I'm not." With a small pout, he folded his arms and added, "Because you should know by now that my anger is justified."

What Ryo did next stunned him. Without a syllable of dialogue, he grabbed Marik by the shoulders and pressed a firm kiss on his lips. He could never quite get over how cute Ryo's kisses were; they were always like he was kissing a bruise to make it feel better. And when he felt his tongue invade his mouth, it was heaven. Ryo tasted as he always had: like sugar and chocolate. Instinctively, they began their game of dominance, their tongues battling madly, yet swirling gracefully like a pair of ballroom dancers.

He was lost in the moment, and staying lip-locked with him seemed the most natural thing in the world. So he was shocked when Ryo abruptly ended a kiss Marik thought was something straight out of his fantasies. He couldn't quite get any words out of his mouth, so Ryo ended up speaking first. "I'm sorry, okay? If that wasn't enough to convince you that you mean the world and more to me, then I don't know what else to do." His voice was hollow, but in his eyes there was adoration that reflected what Marik felt burning in his heart and in his eyes.

Forget being mad; Marik mutely nodded his head and let Ryo drag him the rest of the way to school.

When they were about halfway there, the Egyptian turned to go in another direction; he was used to that by now. His lover used to ask that of him, but by now he knew enough to leave on his own terms. Ryo, however, yanked him back and said, "Marik, I'm not losing sight of you now, and I'm not giving you reason to be mad at me again. You're walking with me the whole way." It was then that Marik realized hw rigidly Ryo was walking, and how dark his cheeks were. He still couldn't quite look at anyone else on the sidewalk without flustering, but Marik was floored that Ryo was even trying to convince Marik-and himself-that what other people thought didn't mean anything.

Aglow with pleasure, Marik grabbed Ryo's arm and leaned on him slightly on the way to school. He could tell that Ryo was trying very hard to make it look like it didn't bother him, which made Marik smile. And that was how the students in the schoolyard found them. As usual, a group of girls surrounded them, trying to look appealing and worthy of their time, but Ryo brushed them off. With a physical sweep of the arm, he stated in a voice that wobbled only slightly, "Sorry, ladies. I'm spoken for." Then, in front of the entire world, the universe, the galaxy, Ryo turned to Marik and planted another firm kiss on his lips.

The reaction? Stunned silence all around, with a few annoying coos of observation sprinkled in. Once Ryo was through announcing to the world that he was in love with this boy, Marik tried to keep the thrill off his expression; Ryo had finally come out of the closet! He wanted to sing to the world and dance on the roof. "We should fight more often" Marik muttered calmly to his boyfriend as they made their way inside the building. They ignored the names being called at them, the small titters, the way some people shrunk away. Ryo's face turned stonily serious as he spoke. "No. I can't handle that again. It was hell to be apart from you for just one night. I swear my heart stopped beating a few times."

_My heart beats in silence no longer! Ryo finally came out of the closet in front of out peers and made it known that we're a couple. I honestly thought that we'd make up and just go back to the way we were before…but he isn't gonna let that happen. He makes It a point to walk to and from school with me now, and he does everything else he wouldn't do before. Our class hasn't been horrible to us, although we still get empty soda cans thrown at us. Ryo's taking it personally, of course, and sometimes the old habits come back. But that's okay, because at least now I know for sure that he loves me enough to put other people's opinions aside. His heart beats aloud with mine now; I can't ask for anything else. I know now what love is; there are no conditions, no strings attached. And that all you want out of it is each other. So I'll stop bragging and go call him. Hopefully we won't have to go back to past habits._

_Because my heart will stop beating if I lose him again. _

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><p>Cheap cop-out, I know. What do you expect? I'm not used to writing yaoi yet, though I love it so! This is one of my favorite yaoi shippings, actually.<p>

So... R&R please, no flames, and if you feel this story is worthy enough (which it probbaly isn't)...Vote for me guys! ^^

Thx for reading!


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